You visit your gyno for your annual exam, eat healthy to avoid disease, and exercise to keep your body strong, but what do you do to nurture your relationship on a regular basis? Just a guess: not a whole lot. That’s a huge shame, because good relationship advice—particularly when it comes from pros schooled in the field of psychology—can take any solid-gold love to diamond-level strong.

“Most of us operate in crisis mode for our relationship, only giving it sincere attention when there’s a problem that needs fixing,” says Seth J. Gillihan, PhD, a clinical psychologist practicing near Philadelphia. “But a relationship is like a garden: Even when it’s doing well, weeds can grow and overtake it.”

“A relationship is like a garden: Even when it’s doing well, weeds can grow and overtake it.”

Which is why the uptick in “happy couples counseling”—seeing an expert long before the thought of …

I have met so many people in my sex therapy practice who long for ‘perfect’, passionate sex — like the kind in the movies, where no one’s hair gets messy and everyone has ecstatic orgasms.

But, that isn’t realistic. That’s Hollywood.

In real life, sex can be confusing, disheveled, and even disappointing. People may feel scared to have sex with their significant others, frustrated about not doing it regularly, or too anxious about whether they’re doing it right.

Often, by the time they visit my office, my clients are also feeling a bit angry. Which is completely normal. Having frustrations is common when expectations aren’t met, and, after having too many fights or avoiding the subject altogether, most people have forgotten how to communicate and hope professional advice can help.

Here are 10 of the most common tips I find myself giving clients to help achieve and live out those …